Don't Go Into The Water...

I used to want to go inner-tubing on the Delaware. When we'd go canoeing, I'd watch all the lazy people in their swimsuits with their feet hanging in the water, their floaty coolers tied to their tube, their arms not cramped from endless paddling.

Not anymore. I recently saw two television shows that not only terrified me, but made me wonder, "How the heck haven't I heard about this before?"

There are SHARKS in the rivers.

Not just any shark, mind you. If, say, a Great White were to try to swim up a river, as soon as the fresh water infiltrated its skin, its cells would rupture and it would die. But the bull shark, which stands third on the list of shark species responsible for human attacks in Australia, has three unique adaptations that allow it to survive in fresh water. First, its skin has tiny receptors that measure the amount of salt in the water surrounding it. These receptors then communicate to a unique gland below its tail, capable of storing salt, and tell it to either purge salt or release it to the body. If this gland should happen to run out of salt, the shark's kidneys are capable of recycling and redistributing salt from its body.

Scared yet? Well, here's what I found out over the past few days.

-In Australia, bull sharks have been found several hundred miles upstream, even living in lakes. A man was killed in 2003 in Miami LAKE by a bull shark. A horse was also attacked in an entirely freshwater river. And on the show "River Monsters," the host found evidence, in the form of a juvenile shark, that they aren't just swimming into the rivers, they're BREEDING in them.

-Bull sharks have been sighted 2200 miles inland in Peru. Numerous attacks have been reported, by sharks ten feet long and greater.

-There have been several sightings of bull sharks in the Mississippi and Illinois rivers, including a shark attack in Lake Michigan, in which a man lost his leg. This happened in 1955, which makes me wonder...when was somebody going to tell me about this???

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Who, What, and Why...what's missing?

I heard about a dog show in the next town over from us starting on Friday, put on by the American Working Dog Federation. My husband and I were really excited about this, and wanted to go.

Well, whether we get there or not is a matter of some debate. First, the original advertisement, in a small local weekly advertisement paper, had the dates wrong (Friday, May 21-Sunday, May 23). I wanted to see whether it started on Friday or Saturday, so I went to the AWDF's website, where I found that the show actually starts on Friday, May 22. Perfect for our schedule. But, since the dates in the original ad were wrong, I wanted to confirm the venue.

The AWDF's website lists the venue as "The Lehigh Valley, PA." Wow, thanks guys. There are probably about thirty little towns that make up the Lehigh Valley. The site tells you what airports are closest, and which hotels are offering discounts, but it doesn't actually say WHERE the event is taking place.

Since the original ad listed the venue as Northern Lehigh School, I visited the school's website. Nada. They don't even HAVE an events page.

So then I simply Googled, "American Working Dog Federation show Slatington." You'd figure I'd at least pick up a local news article, a blogger's page, something. The only thing I did find was the transcript for Northern Lehigh School District's board meeting, which has notes on the AWDF's application for the event.

So, my husband and I are going to take a chance and drive over to the school tomorrow, and hopefully there'll be dogs doing cool stuff.

But for those of you who plan your own events, ACCURATE publicity is crucial. Most people probably would not have tried as hard as I did to track this event down, and yes, the "dog crowd," probably knows all about it, but they're missing out on lots and lots of people who would have checked the event out, had it been better advertised. So remember, folks: Who, What, When, Where and Why.


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Victorian Zombies Can't Curtsy

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies: The Classic Regency Romance - Now with Ultraviolent Zombie Mayhem!, by Seth Grahame-Smith: I heard about this book a while back, but the concept just seemed too far out there. Then I happened to pick it up and read the back cover blurb—well, then I had no choice than to take it home.

The funny thing is, the book is as much a homage as a parody. I’m fairly familiar with the storyline of Pride and Prejudice (Penguin Classics), and for the most part, Grahame-Smith stayed very true to Jane Austen's original tale.

But rather than simple upper-crust English debutantes, Elizabeth Bennet and her sisters are warriors, trained in China by Shaolin masters and sworn to defend England against the plague of “unmentionables,”—zombies—until death, dismemberment, or marriage. Now Austen's tale of a journey through the complicated mire of Victorian society is further convoluted by the threat of the risen dead’s unabating hunger for brains.

If you’re a purist, you’re going to hate this book. But if you enjoy dry wit, a light, ridiculous (in a good way) story, and carefully measured amounts of locker room and toilet humor, you’re probably going to want to check this out.

Oh, and P.S.; rumor has it that Hollywood's looking to turn this into a movie. :)

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Poisoned

Dear Diary,

I guess I’m officially important now. Someone tried to assassinate me.

It started when, thankfully, we found the Valforte’s village, settled in a temporary tent city a few miles from their original village. And…I mean, they’d just had their homes burned, all people could see was this Andrian “princess” walking into their midst…I can understand why it happened. To make a long story short, I was poisoned.

I nearly died—I should have died. Actually, from what I hear, I did die for a few seconds. The amount of poison I was given probably would have killed the entire village, but I suppose my sorceress constitution wasn’t taken into account.

Not long after, Koen and I got into an argument, about me putting myself between him and the other Valforte in danger. He says I’m too important, that each and every one of them can and should die before me, if it comes down to that. Obviously, I have a problem with watching my boyfriend and, let’s face it, my family, lay down their lives for me while I stand back and quiver.

It’s not the way I’m made. If it was, we wouldn’t be here. I’d still be back in that cottage Halryan brought me to, staring at my cell phone in the hopes that service bars would suddenly appear. I wouldn’t be running around, risking everything I have and even things I haven’t got yet for a world I’m not even sure I believe in. I think he understands now. At least, we’ve agreed to disagree.

It got me thinking, though. What would have happened if the poisoning attempt had been successful? If I’d died…the world would have ended.

If it weren’t such an annoying burden to bear, man, would I have the biggest head in the universe.

--June

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Brunching with Readers

Sorry about last week’s interruption in the blogs; sometimes life just isn’t convenient to blogging.
I’m back on track this week, though, and have a very nice author event to tell you about. The slate plaque/pen holder you see above was my gift from the Bangor Public Library, for participating in their biannual Brunch with the Author program.

At times, it can be more uncomfortable to address a small group than a large one, but that certainly wasn’t the case here. I was made very welcome from the start, and there was no “pressure to perform.” It was also very nice to be able to tell the attendees that the book we were discussing was written just a few blocks from where we were sitting, since before moving to Palmerton we lived on the same street as the library. And, ya know, they fed me and gave me presents.

So thanks to Melanie, who set the event up, and the awesome library staff and Friends of the Library members who made me welcome and fed me homemade goodies. I had a great time!

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Some Funny To Start Off Your Week

After a horrific week at work last week, I'm still a little hungover from life. So I'm taking the lazy way out, and sharing some funny pictures from the LOL series of web blogs:


see more Lolcats and funny pictures



see more Lolcats and funny pictures


see more pwn and owned pictures


see more dog and puppy pictures


see more Engrish



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Ink Exchange, by Melissa Marr

Ink Exchange (Wicked Lovely), by Melissa Marr: I have to admit, I was a little dubious about this book. When we met Leslie in Wicked Lovely, she seemed like an airheaded party girl...how could she possibly have the strength and depth of character to survive in Marr's fey world?

We find out that Leslie is just as strong, if not stronger, than Aislinn. Living with her drunk, absentee father and drug-dealing brother, she goes to great lengths to hide the dark turn her life has taken, lying to her closest friends and hiding deep scars from horrific betrayals to keep up appearances. She wants one thing and one thing only for herself; a tattoo, which she believes is the only step she can take to reclaim her body and spirit for herself.

But her desire for ink entraps her in the world of the fey, when she unknowingly chooses a design that will link her to Irial, king of the Dark Court, by way of an "ink exchange," which will feed the Dark Court with humanity's chaotic emotions.

So many times, when an author follows a story by way of different characters, there's a certain repetition, but not in this book. Leslie's story is both radically different and just as captivating as Aislinn's. I'm loving this author, and can't wait to read Fragile Eternity (Wicked Lovely).


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